I am a stroke survivor.
I rejoice in being alive.
I even run marathons to raise money for stroke research.
The stroke I suffered five years ago when I was 39 was caused by a vascular malformation. Because of the malformation, I live with the daily possibility of another stroke. The malformation also causes sudden and severe migraines that mimic the symptoms of a stroke, including sudden numbness in my left leg.
How do I know if symptoms are due to a migraine or another stroke? I must wait it out, weigh the odds, pray that I make the right decision so that I can seek treatment for a stroke as soon as possible. Usually, my migraine symptoms begin to subside fairly quickly — usually within 15 minutes — but the wait is excruciating.
The stroke I suffered was a big part of losses that followed. For a time, I lost the ability to use my left leg, to speak and swallow, and I suffered sexual and bowel dysfunction.
My nine-year marriage ended. It was difficult to see my boys struggle with the impact of my illness and the breakup.
One recent morning, all those losses and endings were heavy on my mind when I awoke after a restless night. A training run would be just the therapy I needed to put the “endings” behind me and move forward with life, I thought. So, off I went. Running after a night of very little sleep, lots of stress and on one of the most hot and humid days of the summer wasn’t such a good idea, after all.
After a 5.5-mile run, I hit the shower, only to find myself beginning to black out, with dry heaves, a headache and numbness in my left leg. Horrible thoughts flashed through my mind:
Was this the end? Is today the day I die? Will another stroke leave me mentally debilitated or physically disabled? Who will care for my children?
Please, Lord, let this be a migraine and not the end …
There is no greater fear than those minutes as I sit, helplessly waiting for the slightest ability to move my toes again, wondering if I will ever take another step.
Suddenly, my toes begin to wiggle. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, thank the Lord!
I know it is a migraine, not a stroke. I know I will hobble soon, walk with a limp for the rest of the day and be ready for another run tomorrow.
I am a survivor.